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 Movies One Must CROAK before seeing

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CrouchJunior

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:40 pm

Rock of Ages

WHY:

By GOD was this film annoying! Not only is the story completely stupid but the songs were an absolute disgrace to the original bands and singers who made them. 

It was like watching a bunch of actors and actresses just commit cinematic suicide. 

I was more entertained with counting the ceiling titles in the theatre I was in. PS By the time I stopped counting, I had gotten to over a hundred.

It's not that I hate musicals, (Les Miserables and Phantom being my current favorites), it's just the songs have to serve a purpose. They have to further the story and express how the characters feel. I mean look at what was accomplished in the song, 'Look Down' from Les Miserables. It established Jean's initial crime, his overall good nature and his struggles with Javert as well as his parole. The songs in this movie never did that anything resembling that, it just felt like the writer wrote the story as just an excuse to put these songs in. A rather poor one at that.


Only upside I could say is it was clear the actors and actresses were having fun. Yeah, that's it.


But that's hardly worth the terrible songs, shitty story, and insufferable jokes.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:54 pm

Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters.

Just to save myself a little time.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:03 am

X-Men Origins Wolverine

Why:

Again, this movie isn't all that terrible unless you're a comic book geek like me and a mass of other rioters who hate this movie. It has some good action scenes in it and you can tell Hugh Jackman was giving a lot into his performance. 

But that isn't enough to save it. So many holes existed in that movie it was like driving through grand canyon with square tires while bombs are exploding around you.

The greatest problem with this movie I feel is lack of reverence to the original comics. The most prominent example being Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool. For those who don't know, Deadpool is this smart alack mercenary with skills in all kinds of weaponry who's known for his humor and constant breaks of the fourth wall. He's the only comic book character who KNOWS he's in a comic book and god do his jokes hit home!! 

At first, they get Deadpool for the most part right. Sure he's missing his trademark costume, but his smart ass comments and martial skills make up for this. I don't particularly care for Ryan Reynolds as an actor but he did alright then. I can think of much WORSE choices (lookin' at you Robert Pattingson...). IF that's where his role ended, I think the movie would've been better overall.

But it didn't. They turn him into what I can only describe as the love child of Bakara from mortal kombat making whoopie with a cancer patient. And to put the cherry on top, they made the 'Merc with the Mouth' MUTE.

Yep. That is almost as bad a crime as making vampires sparkle. ALMOST.

But Deadpool aside, Wolverine was INVINCIBLE. I mean I get that he has a healing factor and in comics they point blank state the only way to permanently kill him is to chop off his head and roll it away from his body. But it doesn't leave us too attached to Wolverine because we know he's going to come out on top.

On a personal note, sometimes things are better left to the imagination. For example, in the first X-man movie, we get glimpses of how Wolverine got his adamantium skeleton and we feel horrified by the prospect of a procedure that can do that because our imaginations run wild with it and the ambiguity unsettles us. But once we see everything, the veil is lifted and the illusion is shattered.

All in all, if you're not into comic books, go ahead and look if you want, I wouldn't stop you. But if you are into comic books, stay away from this one.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:44 am

This is the first time I've really read through this thread.. and I'm kinda disappointed.. I guess I've just got this weird thing about me where I can't really bash on movies. I'm pretty sure I've seen just about each one and my opinions are so different... xD I just have too much love for the nerve and talent it takes to actually get a movie produced. I'm the same way about books.. I'll never just out and out hate a book or bash on it (Twilight excluded in most cases.. doesn't count though -_- ) 




I guess perceptive is a seriously powerful thing.

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CrouchJunior

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:53 pm

That's one of the main purposes of this page and its twin, to share opinions XD

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Thu Aug 29, 2013 12:01 pm

Green lantern

Why: if there's one thing hollywood must learned by now, it's that Ryan Reynolds is superhero movies kryptonite. He was Deadpool, and he sucked. He was green lantern, and he sucked. Take a hint Reynolds, go back to being the ladies brainless eye candy like you're supposed to be!

But Ryan Reynolds aside, this film was not all that engaging. Granted every now and then you get a decent effect but too much looked fake in my opinion, especially from the space settings. I get that it's going to BE fake but look at Star Wars's Coruscent, I could believe that was a distant planet! 

The villain also irked me greatly. Cards on the table, I don't know the green lantern comics that well so for all I know he could've been fine. But I mean comics have the best villains in all of media and all of them you never get tired of seeing. But the villain in this move, hector Hammond, I was disgusted by. I don't mean I disliked his actions or anything like that, I found his design repulsive. It was like watching a wart grow a wart on top of itself, it was just disgusting and unpleasant to look at. That was hideously distracting to the point where you almost want GL to kill the bastard so you don't have to see him anymore. I can understand why they picked this design, were not supposed to like this guy and they're trying to show the effects of fear energy but look at the Joker, look at Loki or Dr. doom. We're not supposed to be behind any of those assholes (i usually am though muahaha) but their appearances were awe-inspiring or terrifying (usually both)and we never felt physically ill at the mere sight of them.

But to give some positive points, the ring of power held up as pretty cool and it was neat seeing what it was going to do next. I just wish the movie was better casted, written and I wish the makeup department did a more clever job. 

If you want to see it, that's your call, I wouldn't recommend it though. There are ar more deserving films out there but this one is just a mile marker near the bottom of shit mountain.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:51 pm

Human Centipede.

Just don't go there, ever. Even if you're slightly curious, DO NOT WATCH IT. You will be scarred.

okay.
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:02 pm

Oh sweet lord... 0.0

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Mon Sep 23, 2013 5:52 pm

The Hunger Games

Now, just going to get this out in the open, I never read the books so I have no idea how well it held up to the novels. From what my friends and family who read the books told me it stayed true to the story (Not that gladiator fights between kids is really that hard to screw up.) which I indeed found interesting.

Sadly the problems in the movie comes from the execution of the story. It's paced alright and everything and some of the effects were kind of cool BUT what killed the movie for me was that HORRID shaky cam.

Shaky cam CAN work if you're using it for shots that require greater mobility or creative compositions however when it gets to the point where it looks like a drunk hobo filmed it, that's when it becomes a problem. Shaky cam has to be used sparingly to be effective, to show a contrast between control and chaos. I mean, you could see the first half of the movie perfectly! If that camera work continued, you would've had a damn good movie.

But I just can't get into a film I can't see. Blurs don't tell stories, scenes do.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Mon Sep 23, 2013 6:28 pm

Crouch, that was what i said when i left the cinema after seeing it.
The book is amazing (and the dresses in the film were too)
but the camera work was awful
The bt when they first start in the arena when it was shaking everywhere and cutting quickly made me feel sick.
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Mon Sep 23, 2013 6:34 pm

Yeah, I enjoyed the visual style of the film, pity I couldn't fucking SEE IT half the time!

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:05 pm

....How dare you. I loved that movie.
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:14 pm

Most movies that were made from amazing books.

The Potter movies are top of my list, way to destroy my favorite series!

The 2 major things that jack up the book to movie transition.

*People make up their own shit and jam it into the story. (Why the hell is Slughorn rambling about a fucking goldfish?)  Suspect 

*Hiring actors that look no where near the character they are playing. Oh and as an added bonus have them act entirely different than how the character is written.

Let's hope people start trying to actually make a movie that follows the book for once! Hold up firewhiskey in cheers!
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:34 am

Every transformer movie after the first one.

Michael bay directed it. They're racist, sexist, filled unnecessarily long action scenes, and did I mention that Michael bay directed it?

If you want me to go into detail, just tell me so, otherwise I rest my case

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PostSubject: Hunger Games    Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:35 pm

My thing about The Hunger Games is that it is far too much like Battle Royal which is an amazing movie... im trying to read the novel now, but I just keep putting it down to read Manga..


Yes it is packed with an amazing cast and I think they worked well together I just found my self very bored at times...especially when I watched it again with one of my friends..

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:32 am

Grown Ups 2

The only way I can describe this movie is picture a friend, whom you like only enough to not call an acquaintance, making a holocaust joke at your good friends bar mitzvah.

That bad. The first Grown Ups movie I found to be pretty funny. It had quirks and problems but it was harmless fun.  

This sequel was completely bereft of charm or even humor. It focused way too heavily on gross out and toilet humor. That sort of humor is best used sparingly to push a shock value button. But constantly using it is just revolting.

It's such a mindless movie that I felt cancer cells growing in my head as I watched. And my sole wish was they finished me off before the credits.

It's one of the worst, folks, one of the worst I ever put on here. Don't ever look for it, spend your time doing something more productive... Like shoving a steel pipe through your head, you'd at least have more to show for it than watching this!

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Sat Dec 14, 2013 9:03 am

Dear Star Wars Fans, 

If you think that Lukas selling Star Wars to Disney is the most heinous act in the world to be done to such a beloved series... you'd still be right but you'd have THIS as a contender:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xn5gsj_the-star-wars-holiday-special_shortfilms

So I found this mind numbing tragedy when I couldn't fall asleep this morning. As a Star Wars fan, no... as a film major, no, as a human being... in fact no.

No. Not even as a compilation of molecules could I find anything good in it! It was simply torture. I'll take midichlorians, I'll take Jake lloyd, hell I'll accept Jar Jar fucking Binks over this sodomy of the senses!

-Ignites red lightsaber- I warn you Disney... Episode VII better blow me away or you'll witness the firepower of this full-armed and operational enraged fanbase!

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:21 pm

I'm sorry, I know I'll probably get strung up for this one but....

Iron Man 3

I know a lot more fans hate Iron Man 2 than 3 but for me, this was my hot button in the Iron Man franchise.

Firstly, halfway through the movie I was saying, 'Hey, know who I don't miss? IRON MAN! I don't miss him at all.' Strangely he's barely in this! Half the time it's either an empty suit or Tony ripping off Inspector Gadget with piles of crap he invents into something neat. Why the hell should I care about a guy who's basically just typing commands half the movie?

Also, riddle me this, Tony's heart can withstand throwing a bomb into a black hole to save all of New York with the quite probable chance he could die but his house blowing up is too much for it? 

And I've saved the worst for last. They were completely disrespectful to the comics. Every superhero needs a great super villain to serve as their antithesis, Batman has the Joker, Superman has Lex Luthor, Spider Man has Goblin, you get the idea. So when the Mandarin, Iron Man's archenemy, turned out the way he did... it was a complete slap across the face. And it was especially tragic because the way they were building him up was extremely cool! They had him less as a common supervillain and more as a real life terrorist, one that could exist in any part of the world. You could've actually believed this man was real somewhere. This is a clever build up, and I was beyond eager to see him and Iron Man finally duke it out. But then... -groan-

Yep, I'm sorry if you like this movie, I really don't.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:44 pm

I just liked iron man 1 honestly
That and the Avengers
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:45 pm

Divergent

Look, I really don't hate this movie. I just don't feel it's as good a movie as it could've been. 

The premise is after a war (of course -_-) society reorganizes itself into factions based on a persons traits (kindness, bravery, intelligence,etc.). Okay, that's pretty interesting and you find yourself wondering where you would end up in this civilization.

But then the beginning takes YEARS to actually get to something interesting. I found myself drumming my fingers, just waiting for a conflict to show up.j

But I will admit this, the conflict (while nothing extraordinary) was still pretty interesting. 

However that does not excuse a lot of the unanswered questions that I had. Firstly, sure you divided society, but to what effect? What need was serviced by doing this? Next one faction,  erudite (brains), has contention with the kindness faction. Again, why? What started to necessitate that?

Unless it was something I missed. I'm sure the fans of the books knew all those answers so it was probably a better experience for them.

If you want to see it, go ahead. I wouldn't personally suggest it but I wouldn't stop anyone either.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:33 pm

SHHHHHHHH
it doesnt come out here til the 4th.


and all your questions are answered in the 3rd book.
and as always, books are better.

(I have to have a positive mind about this, my work as an 'outng' to go an see it. since we all love  the book)
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:09 pm

How was the acting? Cause some of the actors I was a little bit skeptical about their abililties to act.
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 6:32 pm

Well it's the sort of performance you would expect, sufficient. It's not Shakespeare worthy but it's not Hayden Christensen either. 

Also sorry river! I keep forgetting about the different releases, I'll start putting these reviews in spoilers.

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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 7:27 pm

its ok, the only one i actually care about is The Fault in Our Stars in june
You cannot say anything...ANYTHING about it until after the 20th (why....why is it so late in the UK. really? this is just mean)

oh, and the new x men. when ever that comes out.
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PostSubject: Re: Movies One Must CROAK before seeing   Wed Mar 26, 2014 7:59 pm

That's a 10-4!

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